Hello. My name is Mugs. As you can see, I am a very beautiful cat, probably the most beautiful cat in the world. My full name is Muggins, from the famous book "Muggins Mouse." I really didn't think I would want to write this column for Buster's web site, because frankly I don't like Buster. I consider him a pipsqueak. I have never met Pinky, but I'm sure if I did I wouldn't like her either. She sounds even worse than Buster. What is it with these dogs? Sniffing everywhere, eating other people's food, barking every time the doorbell rings. It's sad, really. But my friend Chile urged me to step into the limelight, and since Chile is the only dog I like, I decided to go ahead and do it.

I am not trying to be a copycat, but Chile did an excellent column on safety, and I also have some firsthand safety tips for my feline friends. If you cats are anything like me, you have spent a long time getting your humans educated, and sometimes even that isn't enough. Take this one example. I have trained my people that I like to go out the garage door. Cat doors are for losers. A cat wants a nice big door to go out, especially a beautiful cat like me, who really needs to make an entrance. They don't ask Miss America to get down on her hands and knees and scoot through a dark little tunnel, do they?

Anyway, this particular day one of my humans (I won't mention any names) opened the garage door but forgot to keep his eyes on me 100% of the time, despite the fact that I have instructed him a million times to do that. You can probably guess what happened. That's right, he shut the door right on my head! This cost me one of my lives, which is bad enough, but to add insult to injury, it put me in an undignified position.

Obviously I had to discipline him severely. The moral is, you cats out there, when your people aren't the brightest (you know who you are!), don't use the garage door. Go through the regular door. And Buster, if you're reading this, STOP EATING MY FOOD!