Hello. My name is Chile. Some people think my name is "chili dog." But it isn't. Some people think my name is "chilly willy." But it isn't. Some people think my name is "chill pill." But it isn't. I was born in Olympia, Washington, the state capital of the state of Washington, which it is a city of. My mother had three legs. (Instead of four.) I have the honor of writing the first Guest Dog column. My topic today is safety. Once I ate an entire bottle of Advil, so you can see I know from personal experience the importance of safety. Hello again.

Safety, what is it? Well, one thing it isn't is getting kicked in the face by a horse, and that is a good place to start. In Photo A you will see a picture of me after I was kicked in the face by a horse. What is the main cause of horse kicks? The answer is border collies, Photo B. Border collies are interested in 2 things: frisbee and sheep. When there is no sheep or frisbee around, the border collie will make its own sheep. In this case, horse sheep. Then the border collie proceeds to herd the "sheep" around, making the "sheep" mad. Then the "sheep" tries to kick the border collie. But the border collie, from hundreds of generations of frisbee practice in Scotland, simply ducks down out of the way and laughs. What have we learned so far? That's right, if there is no border collie around, there is no danger of horse kicks. Make a note to yourself and write this down. I recommend putting it on the refrigerator with a magnet where you will be sure to see it occasionally. Or every few minutes, if you are in the Brennan family.

If there is a border collie around, there is danger of horse kicks. Please pay attention! This is the important part! Please look at the chart below and study it very carefully. It is very important to avoid the Danger Zone of Horse Kicks if you see a border collie in the area. It is very easy to confuse the danger zone and the okay zone (believe me, I know) if you have not studied the chart extensively. So please study and learn. Thank you for reading! Remember, safety first! And you pups at home, don't eat Advil!